Jul27
If you’re reading this blog, chances are you’re aware that my first novel was released in February (2009). I wrote Audrey’s story, Tender Grace, to answer a question that has been nagging me—“How do we go on when someone so dear to us dies?“
I’ve been watching my parents, 92 and 84. They’ve been together 63 years, and when I’m home, it’s almost palpable—how will we bear being without each other? I feel like there’s a perpetual leave taking going on, one I participate in myself every time I leave them—hugging them and kissing them and saying how much I love them.
Yes, how do we go on? I don’t mean, how do we keep breathing; I mean how do we go on, embracing, appreciating and enjoying the life that’s left?
In addition to my parents’ situation, I have a friend who lost her husband in his late thirties, and two friends who have lost their husbands in their 50’s.
I’ll never forget something that happened when my high school friend visited me and a mutual friend a few months after her husband died. She came into the room where the two of us were sitting after we thought she had gone to bed, and she said, “You guys, what am I going to do?“ I have no idea what we said.
And there’s this: Tony and I are at the age that we know the time we have together is limited and that every day is a gift. Tender graces abound if we only care to see them. Every evening that I happened to work on Tender Grace, I would come out of my study so relieved to find my husband in his chair watching a ballgame, alive and well.
So I’m glad I was asked to speak at a retreat last spring, and that I was asked to do a workshop along with main sessions, especially since the workshop they asked for was called “Seeing the Tender Graces in Our Marriages.“
The title of this workshop is fairly descriptive, but you need to understand that I’m not discussing abusive marriages in all their many forms. And I’m not exploring perfect marriages or how to have one. Apart from the beautiful description of what true love looks like found I Corinthians 13, I have no idea.
Well, that’s not true. I have some idea, but my husband Tony and I do not have a perfect marriage. We couldn’t have—I’m in it!
What I am talking about is what most people would call ordinary marriages and seeing the tender graces in them. So often we have good marriages, marriages to be treasured, but at best we take them for granted, and at worst, we pick them apart unsatisfied because of what they aren’t instead of satisfied and grateful for what they are.
One nice thing about being as old as I am, I’ve quit making those two mistakes.
I’ll get into seeing tender graces in our marriages in a number of upcoming blogs. I’ll slap on all kinds of titles, but I’ll always include the (TGM) so you’ll know it’s another segment of “Seeing the Tender Graces in our Marriages.“ It’s nice that TGM could also stand for “Thank God for our Marriages.“
Jackina, I know you have no idea who I am, but our lives have crossed paths on several occasions. First, my sister, Diana (Legg) Leslie attended Ozark around the same time you did. Every time you had something published in the Lookout or the Christian Standard, Diana would remind me: “Verna, I think you and Jackina are a lot alike.“
She’s right about that. I used to teach Freshman Comp at a local junior college…now I teach English and Literature (gotta love Jane Austen) at a private Catholic High School. (They call me their Token Protestant.) Plus, I’ve written for Lookout and Christian Standard, too! (I’m sure you’ll forgive me when I say I graduated from Lincoln, just as I’ve forgive your Ozark connection.)
You once came to a church my husband was pastoring at the time…Elkville Christian Church in Elkville, IL. I’m not sure what you were there for, but I remember talking with you about writing and publishing. Then, a few years ago, at the NACC (I think it was in Kansas City), you told about that cabin you and your family had rented in Yellowstone. It was soooo funny, and I remember that the man who introduced you—was it Wayne Shaw?—laughed so hard he cried. Funny, funny.
I bought “Tender Grace” at the bookstore today. I started reading it around 7:30 or so, during a rerun of Law and Order, no less. I couldn’t put it down. I just finished it and had to come “find” you online to let you know how good it was. I was going to send it to my sister for her to read. She doesn’t read much Christian fiction, and I’m always trying to get her to; I thought she would read your book for sure. I’m going to send it to her for sure now. She lost her husband five years ago. She’s been struggling to build a life that doesn’t include him. I cried while reading it, knowing of some of Diana’s struggles without Darrell.
Thank you, Jackina. You’ve always been an inspiration for me, and more so because of Audrey’s story. I’m writing my own book, and hopefully you’ll soon be able to walk into a book store and buy a copy of “Hidden Mercies,“ book one of “The Women of the Wabash” series by Verna Davis! (From my prayers to Carol Johnson’s desk, huh?)
Just wanted to let you know, Jackina: You did good! (Oh, I can’t believe one English teacher just said that to another! Sorry!!!!!!)
Keep on keeping on,
Verna Davis